This has been stewing in the back of my head for quite some time now. Our policy-makers still seem to struggle coming to grips with this newfangled "Internet" thing and how to deal with all the meanies. The most recent scandal is the 13 year-old girl who killed herself "because" of cyber-bullying.
For those not keeping up, Lori Drew (49) created a MySpace account posing as a 16 year-old boy for the express purpose of crushing the feelings of Megan Meier (13). This is really the horrifying part to me: how does a 49 year-old mother stoop so low? Megan struggled with depression and apparently found solace through MySpace. Lori's persona flirted with Megan over some time; Megan thought the relationship to be fairly serious. At that point, Lori got what she wanted: an opportunity to cause maximum damage. Lori "turned on" (read: betrayed) Megan. Naturally, the younger girl was crushed, though I can only imagine that the subsequent suicide was a surprise to everyone.
The end result of all this is that there is a dead child and a broken family. The next logical step is a lawsuit. Even though the idea of a lawsuit like this offends me (it essentially attaches a discrete value to the life of a loved one) I can understand the drive to get some sense of retribution. After all, traditional vengeance is largely frowned upon. However, I'm not sure there's really a crime here.
Sure, there's an apparently-morally-base woman bent on destroying 13 year-olds and an unfortunately dead child, but where's the crime? Lori was recently found guilty of violating the MySpace license agreement which essentially states that users must accurately represent themselves on the website. Due to this heinous infraction, Lori faces the potential for three years in jail and a $300,000 fine. This is a dangerous precedent to make.
If this ruling passes, it means that something as minor as fudging one's age on a social site could warrant some time in the slammer. If this ruling passes, it makes the Internet a treacherous place to be. If this ruling passes, it will shine in my mind as a victory of lawyers over justice, and stand anathema to what I believe is right.
Does Lori deserve punishment? Probably, but more for being a horrible person than any actual wrongdoing. Bullying is bullying. It has always existed and will always exist. So long as any differences, real or imagined, exist among individuals of a population, there will be bullies to point out those differences as loci of ridicule. It is a rite of passage that most must simply endure and learn from as they move into adulthood. What the thrust of cases like this seem to be is to outlaw bullying in the presumably-safe, imaginary world of the Internet. I submit that the virtual world is very much like the real one. People lie, cheat, and steal when it best serves their needs. When the anonymity of the Internet is factored in, I'm honestly shocked that there is so much truth out there.
As with so many of today's problems, I see this as a failure on the parent's part. I have no doubt that Ms. Meier was a loving, doting mother who wanted nothing but the best for her child, but someone dropped the ball in this. It may have been that Megan was too embarrassed to tell her mother of a burgeoning online romance. Perhaps Ms. Meier placed undue confidence in her daughter's ability to judge online interactions. Maybe Megan was just too sneaky.
The biggest lesson in this is that parents have a responsibility to understand whatever it is that interests their children. If a kid is drawn to rap music with explicit lyrics, ask why. Is it really the message, or just the rhythm? If they like some awful cartoon, watch it, with or without them, and determine why it draws them in so. I don't encourage spying, but parents have exactly one job on the planet for the first 18 years of their child's life: get them to that 18th year; everything else is relegated to the back burner.
Lori Drew should be ashamed at what she's done. Not for the bullying or subsequent suicide per se, but because, as a direct result of her actions, Lori made it impossible for Ms. Meier to complete her job.
Ms. Meier should be (and probably is) ashamed that Megan didn't see her mother as a safety net. When someone that young turns to suicide, I can't help but eye the family. In particular, when a girl that young and her mother are that distant, something is amiss.
While I wouldn't endorse it, I would understand a monetary penalty against Lori. Her infractions do not warrant jail time, but her character flaws should be listed for all to see. If she gets her monetary reward, Ms. Meier should put it in trust, clear her debt, donate to Megan's favorite cause, something other than deposit in into her checking account. One should never profit from their child's death.
Everything on the Internet, even well-meaning blog posts, should be taken with a fist-sized grain of salt. Never assume truth in a place where anonymity is the rule, not the exception. Kids in particular need to understand this, but parents have to know that it's their job to teach the lesson before something terrible comes from that juvenile ignorance.
The moral of this story: keep your kids close, love them dearly, and know what makes them tick.
Now go call someone you love.
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